CRUSH OF THE DECADE MEGA-POST!!! Round 2
There was just too much crushing for one email to handle! Onwards with our Crush of the Decade mega-post!
Emily
My crush: Bruce!
This decade I have fully embraced “working class roots” and my middle aged man interests. Bruce is the apex of these two ideals.
How can you not love a man that starts the decade:
Find a man who can do anything including embracing a terrible goatee:
Also: Bruce is 70 and is still working (solely so he can support his horse riding daughter I believe).
Bruce has never worked a “real job” in his life yet speaks to us all. He is a man of the people, the voice of us all.
He also just put out a concert video that seems to be made so he could get a tax write off on his fancy horse barn. He spent 10 minutes waxing lyrical about the wood and the power of good wood in your life :)
Plus, he has children our age and I truly hope Lily marries one of them.
(I don’t know if this is too late. Add your father’s favourite photos if not too late).
Editor’s note: She is referring to my dad. He obliged.
Rachel
Adam Driver is a Large Man. If there was a snowstorm out, he could crouch on all fours and protect you like an igloo.
His broadness was put to good use in That Scene in The Last Jedi, and the internet collectively lost it over Ben Swolo. He W I D E.
He’s not just wide, but tall. Very, very tall. Have you seen him run? Have you though?
Look! He’s everywhere at once. His long limbs seem casually unpredictable in a way that is indescribably pleasing. You can’t be sure he won’t suddenly change direction and come over to touch you while you run alongside him and then you will just collapse. I am Hannah in this gif, defeated by running but maybe putting it on a little bit so Adam will comfort me and encourage me to keep going. If Adam thinks I can, then I can.
His hair! It’s so casually dishevelled, then he goes and does something like THIS and I have to swoon and also cry:
He can play EMOTIONAL. Even as the straight up villain of the story, he’ll make you feel for him. You’ll want him to be okay, because then it’ll all be okay. Please be nice to Kylo, he’s just a boy. Admittedly a power hungry murderous boy, but with feeeeeelings. Feelings!!
‘Girls’ is excellent for gorging on loose and free displays of wild emotion, affection and passion from a younger Adam. And a lot of shirtlessness. He’s basically allergic to shirts in that show. A lot can change in eight years, and in the years since ‘Girls’ began, Adam has honed his craft significantly. He’s always been good at what he does, but in earlier roles you’ll see a wilder, freer expression than you will in more recent roles. It makes sense, and I doubt the same energy he brought to the character of Adam in ‘Girls’ would have ever worked for the carefully restrained Kylo Ren. The important thing is that he can do both.
I was about to insert some more Adam gifs from ‘Girls’ here, but I admit I swooned too hard and maybe cried a bit and had to take a break.
Anyway, here are some more good ‘Girls’ gifs:
I’m not sure if this one’s from ‘Girls’ but LOOK AT HIM:
Let’s not forget this gem from ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’ (and appreciate the bonus Oscar Isaac). He has a LARGE and very ELASTIC mouth which is put to excellent use here, making ridiculous sound effects for this ridiculous (and catchy) song.
OUTER.
SPACE!
Marriage Story gave us a wealth of good memes, this one might be my favourite, capturing the essence of every emo version of Adam:
He knows his own limits with regards to getting his work done, and not forcing himself through discomfort or anxiety. He’s said publicly and often that he won’t watch or listen to clips of himself acting, and in a recent interview, Adam walked out after a clip was played against his wishes.
He sets boundaries, respects them himself, and expects others to do the same.
Adam Driver, I love you.
Jessie
Dear Lily,
I’ve tried to remember who I was attracted to in 2010 but I’m mostly coming up blank. I’m not like you, is the thing; not someone who falls for people frequently and shamelessly. That’s not a dig, I’m not being snide. I admire it; it seems reckless, in a good way, in a way I’m too uptight for. I don’t get crushes very often, and when I do I mostly try to pretend they’re not happening.
Which is why I think there’s only one choice for me. It has to be — it’s gotta be — Harry Styles. Because I did not want to be an adult One Direction fan! I managed to avoid, throughout my youth, anything so demeaning as a boyband obsession. Daydreaming about dumb boys and staring reverently at their photographs were not hobbies I wanted to take up in my twenties! I don’t think I even knew what fan fiction was! This was not the kind of personal growth I was hoping for when I left home in 2010.
And they are dumb! Their hair is stupid and their tattoos are stupider and Harry Styles has, over the last decade, made looking pretentiously ridiculous into an art form. So I resisted at first. I smiled indulgently and rolled my eyes when my friends professed their love for the mop-haired gits. I pretended not to notice that my tumblr dashboard had somehow become 80% One Direction content (hey, I think I got my tumblr in 2010 too). I conceded that Kiss You was, perhaps, a bop, but maintained that most of their songs were shit (and to be fair, this is not a position I have entirely resiled from).
But then Harry Styles broke me. I know exactly when it happened. It was in the Best Song Ever video, approximately two minutes and thirty-four seconds in, when Harry gets up from the couch and wags a finger in the face of Niall, before — and this is the true crisis point — grabbing Zayn (in drag) and pulling him close. Is it the dimples that pop as that cheeky grin breaks on his face? Is it the way he bites his lip it the end? Or is it the confidence with which he pulls Zayn flush against him?
I don’t know. All I know is that in that moment, I was a goner. I was broken. I’d melted into a puddle and was only capable of pained whimpers. I could hold out no longer. I was, for the first time in my life, a fangirl.
I hope not the last. Happy new year, friends.
Lily
Firstly, thank you everyone for all the wonderful words you’ve written. Editing this has been a complete and utter joy.
Ironically, after weeks of lightly harassing people for their contributions I left my own until the very last minute. But never mind. After careful consideration, I decided there could only be one choice for my Crush of the Decade: Rose Matafeo.
Yes, there’s Jake Gyllenhaal and James Wolk and Oscar Isaac, and they’re all handsome and great and I love them blah blah blah. But they have brought me not a tenth of the delight and laughter that this incredible, hilarious, weird, horny, depressed, acerbic comedian has.
From first seeing her live in Finally Dead in 2015 (the moment I first fell in love), to eagerly staying in every Friday night to watch Funny Girls, to pissing myself laughing at her impression of Shaggy’s violinist in Sassy Best Friend, to identifying deeply with her tales of channelling her teenage horniness in scrapbooking with Horndog in 2018 (and then seeing it win the Edinburgh Comedy Award for it three months later!), to watching her absolutely smash it in season 9 of Taskmaster with a patriotic tear in my eye - obsessively following Rose’s career been a total and absolute joy. With an original sitcom, stand up special and movie coming out in 2020, the next decade promises even more opportunities for crushing.
Is it a little narcissistic to choose a bespectacled, anxious, pop-culture obsessed, Cursed Heterosexual™ New Zealand woman as my Crush of the Decade? Perhaps. But you know what? I don’t care about the optics, I love her far too much. Plus, there are plenty of differences. Like her overwhelming charisma and stunningly gorgeous hair.
With that, please enjoy some of Rose Matafeo’s greatest hits (in chronological order):
Holding her own against Amy Poehler and the legendary reveal of her resemblance to Inside Out character Sadness (oh God I can so relate).
I have watched this about 30 times. I am legitimately obsessed with her 3-minute performance of Marianne Damage. The winged eyeliner. The power blazer. The smirk. “Leave him to me”. Sexiest performance of the decade? #BringBackMarianne2020
She’d make an incredible crush blogger.
FEARLESSLY taking on the Taskmaster to defend the noble Nyoo Zillund accent and fish and chip shop posters.
“Do you know what it is like to be a straight woman in 2019? It’s like trying to recommend a restaurant that has given you food poisoning eight times.”
Icon.
Thanks for the laughs Rose. I’ve really needed them.
Thanks to you all too. A huge round of applause for the wonderful Els, Nurul, Ellen, Amanda, Emily, Rachel and Jessie who have given up some of their precious Christmas/New Year break to write their brilliant contributions to this mega-post. You are all fabulous writers and have excellent taste in crushes! I appreciate you so much x
You know who I also appreciate? You, the readers! Thank you for joining me on this journey and for the encouraging words you’ve given me along the way, it really helps me get over my anxiety of putting words to paper and to actually press ‘send’. Though it’s far from a solo effort, and I want to especially thank my friends Ellen, Sean and Els who eagerly got on board early in the blog’s life and wrote some absolutely incredible posts. I’m hoping I can convince even more friends to contribute their own solo posts in 2020 - if you’re interested, let me know.
I hope you all have a wonderful start to 2020. Happy new year and happy crushing.
‘Til next time,
L x