Round 2: Notice Me Taron!
Our first ever guest post!
I am delighted to bring you this newsletter’s very first guest post, written by the wonderful and talented writer Ellen, who I am lucky enough to call my good friend. Take it away Ellen!
So…when I think of celebrity crushes I immediately think of the many wonderful and empowering women in the entertainment industry. I am a bisexual, but queers and allies alike will know that that doesn’t mean that my romantic obsessions fall neatly into gendered categories.
All this to say, I am at my gayest when I crush on celebrities. I crush unashamedly and in abundance on women. When I think of celebrity crushes the first people who come to mind are Margot Robbie, Charli XCX and Lily James.
Just as an aside, have you seen Vogue’s 73 Questions with Margot Robbie? When the host asks her what her plans are for the day she says “brunch with friends”. How does Margot Robbie have friends? How do people avoid falling effortlessly in love with her? One of them is her cousin, ostensibly. Are they all “cousins”? Are these people all con artists just trying to get closer to her?
This isn’t a Margot Robbie post, but if Lily is interested that can be arranged.
We have other issues to explore today.
Most pointedly, we need to know how a fat boy from nowhere stole our hearts.
That’s my adaptation of a quote from the film Rocketman based on the life and career of Elton John. The line “How does a fat boy from nowhere become a song man?” Is said by the actor Taron Egerton, who plays Elton John. I realise it’s a redundant quote given that there is no attempt made to make Taron appear to be fat but its a line that has a great impact.
As I have established, my celebrity crushing mainly focuses on women. I like to think that it takes a very special man to become the object of my affection. Taron is one of those special men (the other is inexplicably Nick Jonas, the best Jonas).
It’s a chicken and the egg situation. Was Rocketman the making of Taron or was it the other way around? I love musicals, I love music, but I admit that I saw this film with such enthusiasm because of Taron.
I, for one, had no idea Taron Egerton existed prior to the release of Rocketman. I had heard bad things about the film’s predecessor Bohemian Rhapsody and I wasn’t planning on going to the film. That was until I saw the shorts for the film. In the lead up to Avengers Endgame, we saw the shorts for Rocketman and I was intrigued. The film has colour, life and wonderful costumes.
The film’s shorts had me interested but it was Taron who had me hooked on the idea of prioritising seeing the film.
When I think of my many crushes, or deeper, the people I deeply love, it’s the little things that pull me in. For Taron, it was all about the eyebrows. He has this little mannerism where he raises his eyebrows. It’s so well known that you can find many gifs of him doing it. This simple and throw away gesture had me catching my breath.
Sure, Taron is an exceptionally attractive person. He is symmetrical, well toned and has one of the sharpest jawlines known to humanity. That being said, being attractive is about far more than appearances.
For one thing, modesty is extremely attractive. There are a series of videos where attractive celebrities read out “thirst tweets”. It’s no surprise to me that Buzzfeed makes these videos. The way Taron reads these tweets is just so sweet. He doesn’t shy away from the overwhelming compliments, instead he does the most charming thing, which is to gratefully accept them.
Also, please notice the way he says “hello there” and pulls on his ear at the beginning of video. I just find him so wonderfully charming.
During my “research” for this video I was struck by the crassness of the women of the internet en mass. Look at this one comment I found on the Nick Jonas Reads Thirst Tweets video.
Let’s take a moment for this poor woman’s vaginal walls.
Back to Taron, the other thing that really stands out about Taron is that he shows a genuine adoration for Elton John and plays his part in Rocketman with great care. It’s an impressive feat to not only have viewers lusting after the “fat boy from nowhere” but also to have them sympathising for a very troubled man who is prone to outbursts of rage.
Taron is a skilled actor, winning over viewers even when he is alienating himself from his closest friend and writing partner, Bernie. Bernie is the only person in the film, other than maybe Elton’s Nan, who is shown to outwardly love and care for Elton. A poor actor could have made us simply pity Elton in these moments but Taron made relate to Elton at his darkest.
Taron can also sing and presumably dance. He is such a great talent. Go see Rocketman, you won’t regret it. Unless you’re a weirdo who hates musicals. You know who you are, you sad sad fucks.
Anyway, I’m done now and I realised that I also have a thing for Donald Glover, which I think undermines the argument of this article. That’s too many men now. ENJOY AND THIRST WITHOUT RESERVE MY FELLOW FREAKS.