Bonus Round: My Top 10 Crushes of this Cursed Year (#10-8)
Remember crush blogging? It's back, in exhausted form!
Hey friends,
It’s been a while. I haven’t had the energy to update this blog for most of this hideous year. Funnily enough, it turns out nothing dries you up, both literally and creatively, like a worldwide pandemic.
Still, it seems a shame to let a whole year go pass without recognising the hot celebrities who helped us cope with all the bullshit 2020 flung at us.
So let’s have a listicle! Everybody loves listicles.
Here’s part 1* of my top 10(ish) crushes of 2020 - hope you enjoy.
*The post got too long so it’s going to be released in THREE parts - yikes, sorry. Stay tuned for the next instalment - when you’ll get it, I can’t say (because I haven’t actually written it yet).
#10. Kristen Stewart as Abby in Happiest Season / Aubrey Plaza as Riley in Happiest Season
What to think of Happiest Season, the “Christmas romcom” that’s closer to Six Feet Under than Love, Actually??? Reactions from my inner circle and the internet at large were uh, mixed at best, ranging from “pretty good” to “traumatising” - possibly unsurprising for a movie primarily focused on a truly awful, homophobic, WASP-filled family.
One thing we all agreed on, though, was Kristen Stewart and Aubrey Plaza. Playing two of the three vaguely normal humans in the whole film, their scenes provide oasis of calm, sweetness and gentle charm amongst the hideously taxing family drama.
Oh, and they are HAWT.
Both get their own moments in the sun, babeness-wise - Kristen had an sexy tank top scene that featured heavily in the trailer in a cynical yet highly effective method to get audience bums on seats:
Meanwhile, Aubrey was serving LOOKS and by that I mean the most intense eye fucking I have seen in a film in quite some time:
Together, their chemistry is so electric you want their characters to hop in a truck together and drive off into a different movie where they can continue make sexy eyes at each other in diners and then make love in motel rooms and I don’t know I guess I’m just writing Carol-inspired fanfiction???
Clea DuVall, I know you didn’t want them to be together but please listen to the fans and write a proper romcom with these two as soon as possible! #Kraubrey4eva
#9. Heidi N Closet
RuPaul’s Drag Race had a hell of a year, with the one of the contestants being discovered to be a sexual predator hours before the first episode premiered, requiring an intensive re-edit of the whole season, and Covid preventing the filming of the traditional live finale.
Still, one contestant managed to rise above it all: Heidi N Closet.
A service-station cashier from Ramseur, North Carolina (“where the chickens outnumber the people!”) with only $30 to her name, she outlasted queens with literally a thousand times the money and fame. Moreover, she won over the fans (and RuPaul) with her Southern charm, gorgeous sense of humour and just full on MOXIE.
The lockdowns of 2020 may have meant she couldn’t reap the rewards of her new fame in the way she should have, but look out 2021: HEIDI’S COMING AT YA!
P.S. She gave us the most iconic television moment of 2020:
Video description: All the RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants are waiting backstage while the judges deliberate and decide who will be lip syncing that episode. Several of the queens are giving contestant Aidan Zhane a hard time. Heidi interjects with “AT THE END OF THE DAY IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER OKAY! The bitch is safe, leave her the fuck alone! I’mma worry about Heidi okay!” She points at each of them “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and fuck you! I’mma worry about Heidi! Leave her alone, she’s clearly bothered.” The video finishes with Nicky Doll saying in a thick French accent, “But nobody’s attacking her!”
Heidi, we love you.
#8. Dan Stevens as Alexander Lemtov in Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga
This entry shouldn’t make any sense. Dan Stevens, best known for playing Cousin Matthew in Downton Abbey (a character whose sex appeal is summed up by his name), as a hair-braiding Russian Eurovision champion in a direct to Netflix Will Ferrell vehicle?
Well… it’s 2020. Stranger things have happened this year I guess.
I’m too tired to resist. All aboard the Stevens train, choo choo!!
Video description: Dan Stevens performs a song in character as Alexander Lemtov in the movie Eurovision. He is singing ‘Lion of Love’, his character’s Eurovision entry song, in front of a large crowd while Rachel McAdams’ character Sigrit looks on from backstage. He sings the fast-paced, opera-influenced song in a deep baritone voice. He is surrounded by four male shirtless backup dancers wearing gold pants. He himself wears a beautiful gold embroidered jacket and a shirt which he rips off halfway through the performance. The overall effect is sexual, bombastic and highly ridiculous.
‘Til next edition!
Lx